Food Fight
by Spooks Apprentice
Summary: Food brings together Star Wars and Lord of the Rings characters in an epic battle. Who will survive? Find out here!


**Disclaimer: Don't own star wars or LOTR. If we did Obi-Wan wouldn't have that freaky mullet.**

**They really, really, really desperately need a randomness section…**

One sunny morning Frodo was visiting Sam for a breakfast of Big Macs. Suddenly a rustling noise emitted from a bush outside the window Frodo and Sam were sitting next to. Then there came a hissing buzz of an igniting lightsabre.

"Aaah! It's the Nazgul Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled, diving under the table and banging his head in the process. For, you see, the Nazgul were trained in the arts of the Sith. In fact Dooku was the identical twin of Saruman. But back to Frodo and Sam, who were getting very scared. In his moment of terror Sam stuffed 8 Big Macs into his mouth as a way to comfort him and release all the stress. But the Nazgul didn't seem to be bothered about finding them for some crazed reason.

Over near the counter two people were muttering to each other over McFlurries and a brekky burger. One had a funny hairdo and the other was bald, in other words Shaak Ti and Mace Windu! Mace was had a greasy Macca's napkin out that he was using to shine his head with it, as well as carefully listening to some important instructions Shaak was giving him. The instructions were on how to sing we wish you a Merry Christmas for the Jedi Choir but well… Mace's voice… you don't want to know about it. And to top things of Frodo just discovered that one of his Big Macs was stuffed with spinach. Arrgh! Shock HORROR! He visited the counter to complain. He met a small green 'thing' in a Macca's uniform.

"Help you, I must." It said.

"Umm, said Fordo wary of this strange creature, I think you may be the one that needs help."

"But Christmas shopping we must do!" Yoda screamed waving a greasy pan in the air then wearing it as a hat to prove his point.

So this was where they met Obi-Wan and Anakin, shopping for some new clothes for the annual Jedi Ball.

"Do you have a Yellow Poncho?" Anakin asked the cashier who looked suspiciously like… Gollum!

"Yes, but it's mine, my own, my PRECIOUS!" He shouted jumping around and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Fine, be that way!" Anakin said storming off to find a good quality Poncho. Obi-Wan nicked some pants and toothpaste, not wanting the stress of parting with his money. He used the force to make a still screaming Gollum give him the necessary items. He then followed Anakin to Sportsgirl.

Then Mace-Windu reappeared. Why he did we don't know, but he did. Then some random dude popped out of nowhere and asked Mace, "You wanna buy some deathsticks?" Mace considered it and then pushed the random guy into a rack of clothes.

Gollum screeched at the mass of mess that had formed and started to rant. He was threatening to send Mace to visit Sauron but Mace said that he'd pay for a cleaner and soon enough the cleaner came. But… the cleaner was Legolas who was trying to flog hair care products. He seemed to think that shampoo would be the best thing to clean the mess. Suddenly Qui-Gon ran in and gave Legolas a hug.

"Leggy, darhlink, you're hare looks wundaful!" He gushed.

"Oh Daaaaaaaaarhlink, you sound a bit throwty, sorry but I don't sell cawgh drops!" Legolas replied in a just as gushy voice.

"I know Darhlink but you _must_ haave a peep at suhme of the gorgeous haats I brought!"

"Ohnly if you buhy shampoe from me, dear." Legolas bargained.

"Leggy darhlink, you know I dooo…!"

"Yes Gonny sweetie buht ohh…" Legolas's reply was cut short when he suddenly swooned.

Gardulla the Hutt slowly slithered into view. Legolas knelt down and began to worship her snotty body. As he bent down his wig fell off!

"Oh my!" Qui-Gon exclaimed when he saw that Legolas's hair was graying, thin and had about a ton of dandruff.

Legolas was too busy refitting his wig to notice Qui-Gon approaching with an ignited lightsabre, tears of anger running down his face.

"Oh his poor, poor hare!" He cried and chopped Legolas in half, right in front of a very distressed Frodo.

An all out war started… well a food fight. (They were conveniently placed in a food hall.) Sam was the most unhurt because he caught all the ammo in his mouth. Gollum was shrieking at the horrible ignorance of cleanliness laws as the place got covered with food. Obi-Wan returned only to be hit in the face with a humungous pineapple that knocked him out. Mace smacked Gardulla with a lasagne and then Legolas pulled one half of his body over to Gardulla and resuscitated her. For his effort, his top half of his body was covered in greasy chicken fat from KFC! Frodo slipped on a spilt thickshake and got knicked out when his head hit a table leg. His falling body tripped Qui-Gon making him black out form fright. Mace gobbled down 5 chocolate sundaes then passed out. Shaak Ti wandered in after hearing the terrible commotion. She was promptly whacked by Anakin showing off his HOT new poncho! Then Anakin's poncho ripped, he burst into a river of tears so bad that his eyesight got all fuzzy and he accidentally strangled himself with his poncho so his airflow got cut off and he passed out. Yoda rushed in only to find a ginormous lump of blackforest cake falling down on him and flattening him. Gollum started to eat a Christmas pudding and found a ring in the middle. He yelled, "My precious!" and threw it into the air. Somehow it managed to fall into his wide open mouth and choke him to near death. The lighsabre wielding Nazgul rushed in and were distracted by sales in the nearby surf shop. As their uniform was getting out of fashion, they decided to buy some new outfits.

Sam was standing there with his mouth stuffed with mashed potatoes, chocolate brownies and squashed peas, staring at the desolation that lay in front of him. 9 pm struck, closing time! The rolling door that was strategically placed over Sam's head flew down… Sam dived out of the way just in time but his legs got stuck under the roller door. He just shrugged his shoulders and started stuffing his face with all the food that was in his reach.

THE END

We hope you enjoyed our story. Just incase you didn't understand Qui and Legolas's talking well… they're meant to be like that. Please review!

Bysie byes Spooks Apprentice and Vampire Snail


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